When I last showed up on this blog back in April, I wrote “above all I yearn for simple experiences” and how “keeping calm and carrying on isn’t for everyone”, reflecting on how the pandemic has blurred work and life boundaries. But I signed off with a deep sense of optimism “the pandemic has brought the concepts of kindness and self-care to the forefront as we reflect on the real meaning and beauty of life.” And since then, I’ve spent many hours thinking about how I can connect with that real meaning of life. I’ve done some soul searching amid some moments of burnout and accepted that in every moment of my life I have choices, and those choices can either nourish my needs or neglect them.
The pace and attention zapping nature of modern life means that we’ve lost touch with basic human needs. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs includes physiological needs (food, shelter, water, clothing, and sleep), safety and security, love and belonging, esteem, and self-actualization (desire to become the most that one can be). But our journeys through our personal and work lives often glamorize and reward productivity, performance, and the endless pursuit of happiness. We become consumed in the pursuit process and fast track to accomplishment—and distanced from the journey—the deep feelings, small steps, pain, heartache or mini wins we experienced while trying to get there. As a self-confessed workaholic, I’ve nothing against accomplishment and ambition, which is why one of the hardest things to accept is that I can do all of the work—but only thrive personally and professionally when I learn to rest.
And we all need sleep to thrive. I spent so long thinking that I could sacrifice sleep as long as I had self-fulfilment, but then wondered why I felt more anxious, lacked focus, and was constantly seeking caffeine highs. So I need to make time for a full night’s sleep after good and bad days and not feel guilty for taking naps. And I can’t expect to maintain focus or complete tasks on only a glass or two of water a day.
I need moments of feeling present, to feel my feet on the ground, and to breathe deeply with intention. Ten minutes of daily meditation stops me from falling into my phone feed first thing in the morning. I see it as daily mind gym, which helps me to sink inside of myself, feeling and accepting emotions and negative thoughts for what they are. I need social media downtime and moments of silence.
I need a daily dosage of movement to release endorphins and relieve stress. For me that’s the gym, a swim or a run. Getting outside in the fresh air at least once a day was for so long, a basic need that I discarded that I now can’t do without.
I need focus. I used to think I was great at juggling all the things until I accepted that multitasking is a myth (we can only focus our attention on one task at a time) and that scheduled breaks in my day improves my productivity and creativity. Multiple pinging notifications while I work is overwhelming and kills my focus. Johann Hari’s brilliant new book “Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention” says office workers manage on average three minutes focusing on one task.
I need to write it out every day. Writing thoughts down is an amazing way of releasing and processing bottled up worries and emotions or simply, trying to map out a conversation or situation I’m worried about. Poetry is my release.
I need to express gratitude every day as it turns what I have into enough. I feel love for the small things in life like the words someone said to change my day, not personal bests in the gym or more new possessions. I need to say “thank you” often to the people who help me or light up my day.
I need to be vulnerable to truly be my real self. As Brene Brown put it, “vulnerability is about having the courage to show up and be seen.” In a culture that often praises having a thick skin and staying strong and self-contained, I’ve fallen into the trap of keeping my mouth shut when I should be doing the complete opposite. I need to feel brave enough to speak up and ask for what I need, be willing to expose my feelings, be kind to myself, to believe in myself, and slow down and be present.
I can strive to have all the things that I think will make my life complete, but if I don’t have connection or love it’s a waste of time. The small moments of my day that light me up—mutual encouragement from my early morning gym buddies, the message of reassurance from a colleague saying “you’ve got this”, time in my snug warm bed feeling safe, and precious time with family. Time is precious and priceless.
Read my poem “Love saves lives” on my Instagram poetry feed @wordsfortherestless
What do you really need today?
