I started to write this blog in January, and then a few things happened which led to me being lost for written words (for a change). I am not a fan of resolutions and “fresh starts,” and like every year, 2023 flew by in a blink of an eye.
A phone notification just before the new year made me pause to reflect on our obsession with consuming, scarcity, and distraction: the constant quest to get more, follow more, and worryingly….to be more. My recently posted Instagram photo now had 50 likes. This doesn’t sound important and was just another notification, but sometimes, my infrequent posts are reactive or come from a place of vulnerability, so anxiety can creep in. Knowing the photo had likes didn’t make me feel happier or make the rest of my day feel any easier. As I sat in my car, I daydreamed about sitting with my best friend sharing holiday photos as teenagers. We studied every single detail, and laughed aloud at the snaps that were upside down or a complete blur because we snapped them in the moment and had no filters. I muttered the words “more, more, more” to myself and decided 2024 would be a year of “less, less, less” for me.
I realised that lots of my focus and actions were stemming from an energy of “lack” rather than abundance. So many are triggered from not feeling good enough. And this made me think about all the things I want to strive for less in terms of material, aesthetic, or performance gains. Here’s my list (and thankfully, it’s calorie free).
Less social media
The very nature of social media causes us to be false. It’s not going away and technology is a relevant and helpful part of modern life (I love a recipe or fitness reel!). I’m not switching off, but it’s the constant distraction from me in the here and now that I dislike. Every time I fall back down the social media rabbit hole, I am bombarded with a chorus of influencers and others telling me how to exercise, when to wake up, what to eat, how to be happy, manifest success…not to mention the temptation of stepping inside someone’s else’s wonderful day. And despite reminding myself “create more, consume less” and feeling guilty for wasting another hour, I still return for more. A huge downside of social media is the knee jerk reaction of “how do I measure up to this?.”
Less external validation
We live in a world where we don’t live from the inside out, more from the outside in, seeking validation from external sources. Following, striving, and numbing feelings to get to an often-unattainable vision of accomplishment—because there will always be something or someone else to follow. I often hear myself or friends say, “I should do this” or “I’ll be happy when I’ve achieved this,” despite true happiness being the absence of the search for it. Life is not a to-do list—a selection of goals to be achieved at the end of which is satisfaction. Isn’t that putting off true contentment? The here and now matters.
Less visible successes
You can do hard things, but this does not have to look like a marathon or podiuming at a competition. A breathwork and somatic coach reminded me that amidst the overload of success reels, not all successes are tangible and can be shown in pictures. We are so used to overdosing on instant visible content, forgetting that pictures do not always provide context and feelings. Just because it’s not documented on social media and shared does not diminish its significance or importance. All my key successes last year were internal, requiring shifts in my perspective and emotional state. Just being brave enough to not just listen to, but to drop into your body deserves far more praise than any number of Instagram likes.
Less ignoring what my body is telling me
An ongoing battle but one that is worth winning if you have ever experienced burnout. I learned you can try to be invincible and ignore all the signs, but when the body needs rest and recovery, it really does. Not easy with the noise of “more, more, more” culture and even self-help and wellbeing information is on overload, to the point where you don’t know which advice makes sense. For me, listening to my body means scheduling regular work breaks, saying no more, and asking for help with tasks. I am also embracing the true beauty of more time spent in solitude, to reflect and work through whatever shifts I’m feeling, in silence…feeling into the present moment rather than worrying about outcomes. And rather than feeling the need to always hit a hard workout, pursuing mind-body connection practice (acupuncture is my current zen destination). Not to mention the power of naps, walks, and simply paying attention to anything…be it my feet on the ground or watching the clouds in the sky.
Less conformity
Authenticity is defined as “true to one's own personality, spirit, or character.” For many of us, conformity has taken precedence, especially when working in a business environment or identifying as neurodivergent. I want to always feel comfortable in my own skin and to be able to share my “real” views, not “masking.” Authenticity is also holding space for others so they feel like they can be themselves, welcoming humanity, and vulnerability.
Less perfectionism
Learning that I can have high personal standards, but they must be rooted in deep self-compassion. I must be willing to honour my achievements with more grace, acknowledge when I need to “let go” and accept what I have written on the page or whatever I’m doing is good enough. I am working on not feeling guilty for resting or like I have failed if my headspace says no to writing.
Less consuming
This is not about calories…I hate diet culture! It is about creativity and fulfilment over consuming content, be it through play, movement, crafting, reading, writing, hobbies…paths to flow and joy. Rather than purely consuming self-help, what can I do to focus on my own qualities and creativity, and how can I be available to help close friends do the same? Journaling, reading books, and jigsaws feed my soul, not forgetting my love of writing, and sharing poetry.
Less letting other people’s energy bringing me down
This is about more connection with my people—family, and the friends who feel like family, who you can laugh with until you ache and feel warm inside and can bare your soul to. The friends who journey through chapters of life with you. These deep connections make me feel safe and represent special experiences, striking real emotion. Spending this time and experiencing loss is a reminder of life’s fragility, so it’s important to not spend time with anyone who bring you down or makes you feel uncomfortable. For me, this looks like declining social engagements or situations I don’t like without excuses, while trying to do something for one of my people or a random stranger every day, even if it’s just a text to check in or sharing a smile.
Less feeling broken
I am definitely not a “tough love” fan but have begun to appreciate and experience the meaning of the phrase “it’s not all about you” and understand that whatever challenge I’m facing, someone else is likely to resonate. Any healing journey can reinforce a sense of self-centredness--that you should not be feeling a particular way--and perhaps that feeling better needs to happen within a certain time. Over time, I have begun to recognise the part I play in my own healing, that it is not about how others perceive me, that whatever action I take, no matter how small still creates change within. “Broken” seems to be a label that is popular within the wellbeing and self-help media machine, and the problem with labels is we begin to embody them. Pressure hits when days don’t go to plan, pressure to say you feel okay when you don’t, and the fear of saying you’re not okay of how people could react. When anxiety feels out of control, ask “am I broken, or am I simply not feeling?.”
Signing off this blog with some affirmations and notes to myself, I hope you find some time to retreat from the noise, whoever and wherever you are.
It is okay to slow down. Go gentle on yourself.
Just breathe, listen to your heart.
Recognise the part you play in your own suffering.
You can do hard things.
