“It’s been a bumpy ride, hasn’t it? I’m more at peace now.” These words from a dear friend stuck with me as I realised how many days, hours, minutes and seconds I’ve spent over the years wrestling with negative thoughts, pent up frustration and anger over situations, actions or people.
Why let go?
No one should feel bullied, intimidated, worthless or be the target of rudeness or anger. However, when we carry negativity from a persistent issue…maybe a lazy colleague, office politics, the exchange or misinterpretation of insensitive words, cheating, not opening a door, pushing in….and the list goes on, it’s so easy to walk away into our own free time feeling hopeless and distraught -- or just like an explosion waiting to happen.
All too often, we then project this negativity onto our nearest and dearest, it’s contagious. Because many of these issues are actually out of our control we waste our own valuable energy and begin to fixate on the issue rather than our own self worth. Letting go is genuinely hard.
You can’t change anyone
Yes, the person who made you feel really small again isn’t going to wake up a different person tomorrow and act exactly how you want them to! We’re all unique and none of us are perfect. Many of us live our lives based on self-narratives or stories derived from our past experiences. Of course, this doesn’t excuse blatant rudeness, but how about focusing on your own uniqueness and authenticity instead of exhausting yourself with negative thoughts?
If you walk away not feeling good enough, talk to those who support you and withdraw from spending time from those who don’t have your best interests at heart. Follow the path that makes you happy, not the one someone demands you follow. Have the courage to say no. Also remember you are not alone. If someone drowns you with their negativity and presence, you’d be surprised how many others agree with you.
Cut them some slack
Life can be hard work. It’s very easy to mask unhappiness, but remember the person who just stole your light may be facing a sea of personal struggles, from paying the latest heap of bills to hearing the news that someone is very ill. So treat people how you would like to be treated.
How is this helping me?
A question I’ve been trying to use to offset my anxious thoughts. It feels so natural for rant mode to dominate after a long stressful day. While this helps in the short term to offload frustration, it only adds to the overall stress furnace that’s quietly heating up inside of you. Enter the unhealthy cycle of insomnia and anxiety. Often worrying about the insignificant issues that we can’t really control doesn’t help us at all, so asking “how is this helping me?” is an instant reminder that worrying will only ultimately harm us.
Invest in you
Spending too much time in the not feeling enough zone stops us from understanding and fulfilling our true potential. Only in recent years have I realised just how important authenticity is. It’s about being real and being true to who you genuinely are and what your purpose is. There’s so much pressure to conform in life that we can lose connection with the path to our own happiness. Expectations and images are everywhere from the moment we wake up – it’s a competitive world when we follow ideal bodies and careers. I’m gradually pushing back and speaking up and my mantra is to only do what makes me happy. You are so worth it too.
Always be kind
Life is too short to not live it to the fullest.
“Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.” This quote from Stephen Vincent Benét really sums up the importance of being kind in an unkind world. There are many things in life that will try to bring you down, but anyone who is “trying to bring you down, is beneath you already.”
