It’s a day in March 2020 and I bash my alarm clock just after 5 a.m., ejecting myself out of my warm bed. I’m averaging four to five hours of sleep a night and fall into my mobile phone feed, while hastily eating breakfast before a happy hour of CrossFit. Fast forward to 9 a.m. and my headphones block the noise of the outside world on my commute—mindlessly skipping the tracks on my playlist—my attention is all over the place, thoughts infiltrating my mind. I am exhausted and anxious as I enter the office and overdose on coffee and sugar to power me through the day. Then I do it all over again.
Now in December and post lockdown 2.0, my home is my workplace. I need boundaries, I need to say no to lots of things, I’ve had terrible writer’s block, I need to breathe more and I crave human connection. The hours, days, months, weeks and seasons have merged into one, and like so many others, I feel tired and sad.
However, lockdown gave me the opportunity to stop and reflect on how I was living my busy life. My body and mind had time to rest, to reset and rejuvenate. I finally achieved some kind of work-life balance. Yet I also understand why this experience has raised anxiety and stress, and meeting up with family is something I miss dearly.
Next-level gratitude
I started journalling gratitude before COVID, but slowing down really made me understand that what I have in my life is more than enough. And the few days I spent visiting family were times that made me confront my own mortality and understand how lucky I am to have the gift of life.
Movement outside is medicine
Lockdown 1.0 made me realise just how little time I was spending outside, hearing the birds sing, stopping to stare at the sunsets or feeling the leaves underneath my feet. I ran for miles, often without seeing anyone else. Every step I took felt nourishing and calming and memories of being on the moors as a child amidst the heather in all sorts of weather came flooding back to me. I’d often be running without a phone or route and felt no pressure or expectations. I was free and safe, which was an experience that was far more meaningful and powerful than just exercise.
Just breathe
Overwhelm, fear, suffocation, fatigue, boredom, cravings, touch starvation, alcohol overload…to grief, despair and constant anxiety. Feelings that have made me feel out of control and not enough. But one thing I’ve begun to tell myself repeatedly is “I am in control,” out loud if I need to.
I recently read about “email apnea” where we subconsciously hold our breath when we read or type. As a self-confessed workaholic, this immediately resonated with me. I researched breathwork for sport, and within days had read James Nestor’s “Breath” and “The Wim Hof Method”. We breathe on average 20,000 times a day yet most of us are unaware of its incredible ability to transform the way we feel. And cold water immersion improves metabolic efficiency, regulates hormones, reduces inflammation and releases endorphins.
I’ve always hated being cold, so having cold showers was a shock but is now an essential part of my morning routine. The cold water forces me to breathe intentionally, and I feel rejuvenated—as if my body is healing, rather than bursting with stress. Reconnecting with my breath consciously grounds me, it’s brought uncomfortable feelings to the surface, making me confront and accept them for what they really are. There’s something beautifully spiritual about this practice that makes me want to do it again and again.
Reading to unplug
I’ve always loved reading, but this year it’s been my escape from reality and helps me find a calm happy place. Books I’ve got lost in have meant so much more than the mindless frazzled hours I wasted on Facebook on my daily commute. I’m finally taking steps to conquer my mobile phone addiction as it’s stealing valuable minutes from my day, which I could be spending on things that give me purpose and passion.
Quality not survival time
If we saw someone else treating us the way most of us treat ourselves, we might think them despicably cruel. Words from a “School of Life” confidence flash card which moved me. The truth is, before March I was in survival mode. I cancelled plans in favour of work, lowered my expectations, shelved my dreams and focused on the basics—waking up and subconsciously feeding my stress reserve. Lockdown exposed me to the small but special moments that my mind had shunned because it was constantly on high alert. The long sunny days spent in the garden, getting creative with cooking, pizza and wine nights, afternoon naps and early nights or catching up with friends that I hadn’t previously allowed time for in my busy schedule.
Humility at work
Back in March, I said goodbye to my work colleagues as if I’d see them again in a couple of weeks. Little did we know that COVID-19 would profoundly change the world of work forever. Within weeks my workplace was sharing a fantastic support structure, including recharge days and wellbeing allowances – something I will always be thankful for. Beyond this, I felt an overall shift to humility, flexibility and empathy. Importantly, people are speaking openly about their own mental health at work and seeking help. I decline more meetings, I take more breaks, feel more empowered to say no and have stopped feeling guilty about not meeting unrealistic commitments. Without self-care, we are nothing at work.
Never again will I take the earth for granted, time with my family and friends for granted, or the small moments which make me truly feel alive inside. The long winter ahead holds signs of light and optimism so stay brave, look out for each other, and choose life. We will get through this together.
